Character

The term "caractérielle" refers to an irascible person with a difficult temperament, constantly dissatisfied and incessantly complaining, frequently blaming others. It is a vulnerable, unpredictable, excessive, and irritable individual who can one day display a big smile and the next day sulk the entire day for no apparent reason. The slightest annoyance affects her mood, and she cannot control her emotions. Impulsively, they display exaggerated and inappropriate reactions to normal circumstances. Her selfish propensity drives her to repeat this behavior: the more she "unleashes" on others, the more it allows her to vent her anger. Indeed, she establishes her authority through this climate of fear: as long as no one dares to challenge her, she sees no need to question herself!

 It is not a pathological disorder but a behavioral disorder. An individual with a character disorder can be perceived as a moderately neurotic person. This behavior is frequently a defense mechanism stemming from childhood. Severe, exigent, and perfectionist parents may have served as a model even when they gave plenty of encouragement carefully because their immense need for compliments was insatiable. But it is mainly the lack of self-esteem, a high level of stress and anxiety, difficulties in regulating one's emotions, as well as a propensity for melancholy, even depression, that can paradoxically justify this attitude of defensive withdrawal. This behavior does not always manifest uniformly and presents in various degrees. The person can be simply irritable and moody but can also adopt a distinctly more toxic attitude. Authoritarian and contemptuous, they can also be insulting, aggressive, or even violent towards their close circle, who then feel as if they are living in a true daily hell. We are almost in the presence of a tormentor seeking a victim, instilling terror around them.

The person with a difficult character, even in their most tolerable and livable manifestations, reveals the worst side of their personality. Bitter, impatient, and negative, it was impossible to engage in a conversation with her or to be heard. Her relationships with her loved ones, whether family or professional, are often extremely tense. What is most difficult to endure, aside from the incessant criticism, is that the individual spreads an underlying bad mood to those around them. This creates an atmosphere of misunderstandings, injustices, and tensions. The moment is no longer conducive to resting or rejoicing. The tensions are constant and the conflicts frequent if the loved ones are ready to react. Opposite pitfall: others learn to withdraw to avoid provoking the temperamental one to avoid inciting their anger. They soften their words and speak with caution to communicate in a nuanced manner. At work, we adopt a discreet attitude to prevent the crisis. We wait for the storm to pass at home. We inevitably end up getting tired in the absence of rebellion. Coexisting with a person of difficult character proves particularly complex in the long term. Encouraging the individual to see a therapist appears to be the only viable solution. It is indeed difficult, without external assistance, to make someone aware of the toxicity of their behavior.

The person with a difficult character is in a state of denial. For her, it is others who are the problem. When the individual becomes aware of their identity and the influence of their actions on others, change becomes possible. Once the causes are identified, the effect diminishes quickly. The goal of therapy is to show the individual that this negative mood represents an insidious poison, both for others and for themselves. She can identify an approach to assert herself in a more constructive way.

Three recommendations to consider

1. Don't let your emotions take over in the face of this sudden anger that appears without warning. Breathe deeply and cut the conversation short by stating a simple observation: "It's a shame you feel that way." It's your opinion; I respect it but don't share it and leave the room to take a deep breath.

2. Avoid getting involved in the game of a person with a difficult temperament: the more you try to prove your point of view, the more it exacerbates their anger. If this person is not a close acquaintance, distance yourself from them. Otherwise, learn to distance yourself from their remarks without trying to oppose them.

3. Do not allow their behavior to influence yours! Responding to their bad mood with a similar attitude is a mistake, as it perpetuates the negative spiral. Instead, oppose her with humor to show her that it is possible to express things differently.

Silence

                                                    Lonely tree, collage and oil painting

                                                                          Amarie

Silence can be a deliverance. After my studies at university, I started working on the Belgian coast with a colleague, overwhelmed by a season in full swing. He was a cheerful individual, consistently in a positive mood, yet possessed an abundance of words. He did not stop for an entire day, being able to last hours of conversation without getting tired. Some talkative customers came to keep him company for a while, to sit in the chemists' shop, to have a chat, and to tell the latest jokes of the moment. Often he would embellish them with new items, making them funnier or more salacious to try to debauch me and make me blush under the pretext of opening my pure, ignorant, inexperienced ears to the real world. He passionately believed that my education, which was too serious for his taste, was to be perfected. Of course, working in this environment could be terribly frustrating because you did not have the opportunity to place a single word. At the end of the day, you had your head foggy with all his gossip, sensible, demented, and absurd verbiage. I would have given a fortune for him to be silent for even ten minutes to regain my senses and my concentration. Our days were already incredibly stressful due to the extra work, and a moment of silence would have been most beneficial. Silence allows us to replenish our energy. It lowers blood pressure, decreases stress and hormone levels, decreases anxiety, and promotes neuron growth. Afterwards, to de-stress from such tiring days by drawing and painting, silence promoted my creativity and serenity.

On the other hand, silence can become unpleasant, painful, and poisonous when one waits for an explanation or the outcome of a project. Sentences, ideas, and questions that we expect answers, replies, and retorts never manage to hatch. The more time passes, the more the silence weighs on us, and the more painful, unagreeable, and frustrating it becomes. By dint of waiting, hoping, and wishing, we get disappointed; we drop in bitter disgust; we have disturbing dissatisfaction; and even a certain anger holds you by the throat.

Silence is the act of being peaceful, listening to, and saying nothing to reflect in ourselves and abandon prejudices. Silence is a way to communicate when feelings are difficult to express and there is a fear of being misunderstood. This can help avoid misunderstandings and conflicts on topics that are not worth discussing. Words spoken in anger can be regretted and cause deep, ineffaceable harm. It is often said that words are silver and silence is golden. Speech is considered less noble than silence because it can lead to confusion, error, or conflicts, while silence allows for listening, observing, and feeling. Silence can thus serve as a basis for achieving inner peace and mastery of one's thoughts.

It took time to understand that there is a lack of emotional education in some individuals to express their feelings. Not knowing how to manage emotions such as anger and sadness, they take refuge in silence. I am convinced that it is a hundred times better than enduring their repressed feelings that explode without control.